There are pivotal moments in each of our lives. Baptism. Graduation. Marriage. Babies. New careers. Moves. Divorce. Business ventures. Mission trips. Death.

I have experienced all of these moments. Some have been joyful, some sorrowful and some downright difficult.

In recent years these experiences have been magnified in my life. A major move from Colorado to Ohio. The passing of my sweet Mama. A business purchase. My husband’s major illness. Home dialysis. Being a care giver. My husband’s death. My sister’s diagnosis and prognosis and eventual death. Children and grandchildren. Precious great nieces and nephews.

For five months now, I have been trying to figure out how to be a widow. With my husband’s passing in February, EVERYTHING is on me at this point. And I have found myself overwhelmed on many occasions with no solutions or answers. I have also found myself isolated from others. It is easier to sit in my “compound” and eat ramen soup than to push myself to be with friends and family.

For almost two months now, I have been trying to figure out how to be the oldest child in our family since my sister’ passing in May. There is a great deal of responsibility in this new role. So far, I haven’t felt like I’ve lived up to how my sister filled this role. Mainly because our personalities were so different. She could plan a family gathering or Vacation Bible School with very little effort. While I can do these things too, it takes me a little longer to get the desired result.

For almost two months now, I have been trying to figure out how to run a business without my business partner and sister. Again, our personalities complimented one another in our business venture. Our motto was that she was the brawn, and I was the brain of the business. She was the go-getter, and I was the cautious one. She costumed plays that I had no idea where to begin and I would keep track of the bookkeeping and HR. Trying to fill both roles has been a challenge.

I would love to tell you that I have leaned into God during these past five months, and to some degree I have, but it has been hard. Grief can sometimes grip in a way that doesn’t allow for reaching out to others and to God. Grief can consume our thoughts and paralyze us. Grief can be so powerful that you don’t believe you can take another breath or step.

So how have I managed these months? By remembering God’s promises.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV) tells us that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

Matthew 5:4 (NIV) says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Psalm 56:8 (NLT) reminds me that “You (God) keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my ears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

These are beautiful promises, but still, are there practical things I have done to navigate the grief journey? Yes.

I spent time with Jesus. I found my favorite spot with Him. I told Him all that was going on. I cried. I asked for guidance and reassurance of His promises. I allowed myself to lean into Him as much as I could.

I spent time with family and friends. Whether it was in person, over the phone or by text, this was a lifeline for me on many occasions. And the friends and family that continue to reach out to me are the most precious.

I allowed myself to grieve. I needed to be at home alone. I needed to be at the Castle alone. And in those moments, I would allow myself to remember and grieve my losses.

I used my tools. My experiences in life have provided me with the tools to grieve well. Stephen Ministry training, Women’s Ministry, Funeral Services position, working with Hospice, employment at a Nursing Home. All of these positions have given me exactly what I needed to process grief.

Perhaps you too are dealing with grief beyond your wildest imagination. If so, I would encourage you to follow in my steps. Reach out to Jesus. Remember God’s promises. Don’t isolate yourself from friends and family. Find a GriefShare program near you and get into it. Find a good therapist or Stephen Minister and allow their words of wisdom to penetrate your heart and mind.

We all grieve differently, so please don’t ever allow someone to tell you you’re doing it wrong. It is a personal journey and one that you can move through.

I am not finished with my grieving process, but I am a stronger person today than I was five months ago. My desire is to live each day without hesitation and to the full. I am not guaranteed tomorrow, so I strive to find glimpses of peace and joy in each and every day. I pray that you will be able to do the same.

Grace and peace be yours in abundance,

Donna